Standups, Retros, and the Art of Not Panicking
Learning to survive tech meetings as a new developer.
In my last post, I shared how completely unprepared I felt starting my first dev job - especially during standups and team meetings. Things didn’t suddenly get easier. Instead, the meetings multiplied, expectations rose, and my anxiety followed close behind.
Every morning I woke up early, just to mentally prepare for the standup.
No matter how early I started or how many notes I took, I'd always feel nerves creeping in as meeting time approached.
When my turn came, half of what I intended to say would vanish from my mind. I’d mumble a few words, feel my face heat up, and leave the call sweating.
So I started writing out exactly what I wanted to say, word for word.
I’d read from my notes during the standup. It helped, a bit - but not completely.
Because the problem wasn’t just nerves.
It was context.
Sure, I built a banner component. Cool. Task done. But…
Why did I build it?
Why did I use those specific tools?
Why did it take 28 commits to finish something so simple?
Here's what no one explained clearly:
I wasn't hired to invent something from scratch.
I was working at an established company, where most systems already existed.
My real job was to reuse solutions, follow paved paths, and ask questions when something didn’t make sense.
Without knowing this, I poked around, made unnecessary mistakes, and ended up looking like someone who couldn’t handle basic tasks - when really, I just didn’t know what was already available.
And none of that context showed up in the standup.
Even with detailed notes, my updates sounded shallow:
“I finished the banner. Today I’ll start the modal.”
No why.
No context.
That’s okay, by the way.
If you're there right now, just saying what you did is enough at first.
But over time, to engage more fully in conversations, try sharing your thought process:
“I initially used Tool A but later found Tool B already existed, so I adjusted my approach.”
“I started from scratch but realized halfway through we had an established pattern - a good learning moment.”
That’s real context. That’s valuable.
Also, one trick helped tremendously: don’t look at anyone’s face during calls.
Just stare at a dot on your screen and talk to it.
It helps with nerves. Give it a try.
Then Came My First Retro
Phew. Standup over. I’d breathe, reflect, and replay everything in my head.
Then, a few hours later, another meeting invite arrived: retrospective.
I'd never attended one before. No idea what to expect.
I showed up. Teammates were casual, chatting and laughing. Seemed simple enough.
Then the manager opened an online board with columns:
What went well
What can be improved
Shoutouts
Achievements
After a brief explanation, he set a timer and said, “Go.”
Silence fell.
Everyone began typing. The board quickly filled up with insightful, detailed points.
Meanwhile, I sat staring at my blank screen, wondering:
What am I supposed to write?
Yes, I'd built components and fixed bugs - but was that enough? Worth a shoutout?
What even qualified as “going well” or “needing improvement”?
Who should I praise?
So I wrote nothing.
The timer ended. We reviewed each note as a team, discussing and debating.
Most of the conversation felt alien to me.
I stayed quiet, hoping no one would call on me. Thankfully, they didn’t.
Retro ended. No harm done, except my own exhaustion and embarrassment.
I took a 30-minute walk to decompress.
Reflecting again, I realized:
It’s still about context.
To fully participate in retrospectives - or any meetings - you need to understand your team's goals, your role, and how your tasks contribute to the larger picture.
If you're new and feeling lost or silent during these meetings - that’s normal.
It’s fine. Don’t stress it.
Other Meetings, Same Pressure
Other meetings arrived, each bringing new pressures: sprint planning, backlog grooming, demos, sync-ups.
Different names, similar anxieties.
Here’s the pattern I noticed:
The less context you have, the less you can meaningfully contribute. And that’s okay at first.
Prepare as much as possible.
Write your notes.
But know that no one expects perfection immediately - unless you've oversold yourself.
You’ll shine in meetings where your specific skills are relevant, like technical discussions or implementation reviews.
Over time, your context - and confidence - will naturally grow.
Until then, just keep showing up.
Say what you can.
Ask questions when you're ready.
And when in doubt - breathe, take notes, and keep moving forward.
Coming up: help, teammates, managers — and what I got wrong at first.