Good vs Bad Engineers
From private DMs to public threads: ticket real work and loop in your PM for team wins.
Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
I’m about to dump another batch of stressful moments exactly as I lived them - no mercy. Scary meetings, tricky tasks, an alien work environment, and a crowd of new teammates all hit me at the same time. I was so deep in my own anxiety that it never crossed my mind others might be struggling too. Everyone looked knowledgeable and confident, so of course I assumed I was the only one drowning.
You’re probably not alone. Most people around you are juggling the same stress. They’re just better at hiding it.
My DM Habit
Whenever I needed help, I jumped straight into someone’s DMs expecting an instant rescue. When that didn’t happen, I mentally stamped the person “not helpful” and pinged someone else, building a private table of “good” versus “bad” engineers. (Spoiler: the real problem was me.)
Typical messages:
Direct: “Hey, can you help me clarify this?”
Polite: “Hi, I’m Rich from Team Z working on A. I saw you handled it before, could you point me in the right direction?”
Polite usually worked better, but the reply was often just a quick link and a ✌️. My “good/bad” table kept growing. The truth? Nobody was ignoring me for fun, everyone had their own goals, tasks, and responsibilities. Back then I didn’t see that; I thought, “Come on, it’s only a few clicks - just help me!”
Slow replies ≠ bad teammates. People have their own sprint goals and meetings. Respect their queue, and don’t confuse “busy” with “rude.”
The Feature That Broke Everything
One day I shipped a shiny feature to prod, celebration time, then discovered I’d accidentally broken another part of the app. I combed through commit history, pinged the last dev, and got no immediate reply (which, honestly, I should have expected during a bug crisis). Normally I’d message someone else, but this fix was urgent. Hours later the engineer answered, we patched the bug, and I thanked him privately in DMs. Remember that detail; it matters later.
Did I learn the lesson? Nope. More bugs followed: no quick DM response, panic escalated, the issue went public, multiple people piled in, and the same engineer swooped into the thread, fixed it in minutes, and walked away with a hero emoji parade. I grumbled and added another name to my “bad” column, still missing the bigger picture.
Visibility beats private heroics. Public threads let others spot issues faster and document the fix for next time.
Saying Yes to Everything
Because I’d suffered without context, I swore no one else would. I started saying YES to every request or DM, often without looping in my team or PM. If it takes 15–30 minutes and costs nothing, why not help? I still handled my own tickets (by working late), convinced it would pay off. My ego ballooned: I was the “helpful guy.”
Then reality bit back. One “quick question” ballooned into a mini-project. Suddenly multiple people looped me into threads asking for estimates. When I froze, they brought in my PM, lead, and EM. Now it looked like I’d promised to build an entire application. My PM and lead pushed back, but others quoted my original “Sure, no problem” DMs, putting my own team in a bad spot. Trust slid. I learned, back-slid, and learned again.
Ticket real work. If it’ll take more than a coffee refill, log it so the effort (and impact) is visible and prioritized.
Politics, Priorities, Perspective
Slowly the penny dropped: I’m not a solo fighter. I’m on a team, and team goals come first. Being a good teammate isn’t just laughing at jokes, shipping code, and turning up to meetings. It’s knowing the bigger picture. Context rules everything. There will always be a backlog. If you’re free, grab something from it. Don’t burn time on work that’s off-road for the team. Why? Because your team survives by showing achievements to leadership and stakeholders. How do you know what counts? Ask your PM. They know what’s visible, what’s priority, what moves the metrics.
So now, when a request smells like real work, I loop in the PM right away. I’m still helping, but the effort becomes visible and counts toward team achievements. Everybody wins. Back in my “YES-man” days none of that help was tracked, so it disappeared into the void, and my PM had no idea I was burning velocity on tasks that didn’t push us forward. At first I didn’t care. long term, it matters.
I cringe at how I judged engineers who didn’t jump on my DMs. Now I’m like them, not because I’m uncaring, but because I finally understand priorities. The corporate grind didn’t steal my soul - it just taught me when to protect my time and my team’s.
Your PM is an ally, not a gate. Involve them early, keep the backlog honest, and everyone wins.
Quick takeaways (so you don’t scroll back)
Slow replies rarely mean someone’s a jerk - they’re just busy.
If it’s actual work, ticket it. Visibility beats private heroics.
When someone helps you, praise them publicly whenever it’s appropriate and possible so their effort shines, it really matters!
Your PM is an ally, not a gate. Loop them in early.
Saying “No” (or “Not now”) is sometimes the most helpful thing you can do.
Your Next Step
Today, audit your last ten Slack DMs.
How many could have been a public thread or a ticket? Pick one, log it properly, and watch how much smoother the hand-off feels.
Got your own war story? Drop it in the comments. I read every one.